Twosmart,attractive,well-educatedyounglawgraduates,SallyandEdith,werecompetingforaprestigiousjob.Aspartofthejobintervieweachwasaskedwhyshewantedthejob.Edithansweredthatshewantedtoworkforafirmwithareputationofbeingconcernedwithtruthandjustice.Whenitwasherturn,Sallysimplyopenedherpurse,tookoutaratherthinwalletandlaiditontheseniorpartner\sdesk."Iwanttofattenitupasfastaspossible,"shesaid.Sallygotthejob."Lawyer\screed:Amanisinnocentuntilprovenbroke., AlawyernamedStrangewasshoppingforatombstone.Afterhemadehisselection,thestonecutteraskedhimwhatinscriptionhewouldlikeonit."Hereliesanhonestmanandalawyer,"respondedthelawyer."Sorry,butIcan\tdothat,"repliedthestonecutter."Inthisstate,it\sagainstthelawtoburytwopeopleinthesamegrave.However,Icouldput\hereliesanhonestlawyer.\""Butthatwon\tletpeopleknowwhoitis,"protestedthelawyer."Certainlywill,"retortedthestonecutter."Peoplewillreaditandexclaim"That\sStrange!", Onvisitingaseriouslyilllawyerinthehospital,hisfriendfoundhimsittingupinthebed,franticallyleafingthroughthebible"Whatareyoudoing?"askedthefriend."Lookingforloopholes,"repliedthelawyer., "Twoprobatelawyerswereoverheardwhilediscussingacurrentcase:Itssuchasplendidestate.Whatashametosquanderitonthebeneficiaries.", Q.Whyarelawyerslikenuclearweapons?A.Ifonesidehasone,theothersidehastogetone.Oncelaunched,theycannotberecalled.Whentheyland,theyscrewupeverythingforever., Alawyerliesdying,hashispartnerof40yearsbyhisbedside."Jack,I\vegottoconfess.I\vebeensleepingwithyourwifefor30yearsandI\mthefatherofyourdaughter,Hillary.Ontopofthat,I\vebeenstealingfromthefirmforadecade.""Relax,"saysJack,"anddon\tthinkanotherthingaboutit.I\mtheonewhoputarsenicinyourmartini.", Adoctorandalawyerintwocarscollidedonacountryroad.Thelawyer,seeingthatthedoctorwasalittleshakenup,helpedhimfromthecarandofferedhimadrinkfromhishipflask.Thedoctoracceptedandhandedtheflaskbacktothelawyer,whocloseditandputitaway."Aren\tyougoingtohaveadrinkyourself?"askedthedoctor."Sure,afterthepoliceleave,"repliedtheattorney., Alawyerisstandinginalonglineattheboxoffice.Suddenlyhefeelsapairofhandskneadinghisshoulders,backandneck.Thelawyerturnsaroundandyellsatthepersonbehindhim,"Whatthehelldoyouthinkyou\redoing?"Themanbehindhimsays,"I\machiropractor,andI\mjustkeepinginpracticewhileI\mwaitinginline."Tothatthelawyerreplies,"Well,I\malawyer,andyoudon\tseemefuckingtheguyinfrontofme,doyou?", Twolawyerswerewalkingdownthestreetonceandthisfinewomanpassedthem.Onelawyersaid,"I\dreallyliketoscrewher!"Thentheotherlawyersaid,"Outofwhat?", Twolawyerswerewalkingalongnegotiatingacase."Look,"saidonetotheother,"let\sbehonestwitheachother.""Okay,youfirst,"repliedtheother.Thatwastheendofthediscussion., Forthreeyears,theyoungattorneyhadbeentakinghisbriefvacationsatthiscountryinn.Thelasttimehe\dfinallymanagedanaffairwiththeinnkeeper\sdaughter.Lookingforwardtoanexcitingfewdays,hedraggedhissuitcaseupthestairsoftheinn,thenstoppedshort.Theresathisloverwithaninfantonherlap!"Helen,whydidn\tyouwritewhenyoulearnedyouwerepregnant?"hecried."Iwouldhaverusheduphere,wecouldhavegottenmarried,andthebabywouldhavemyname!""Well,"shesaid,"whenmyfolksfoundoutaboutmycondition,wesatupallnighttalkin\andtalkin\anddecideditwouldbebettertohaveabastardinthefamilythanalawyer.", "AHindipriest,aMuslimpriest,andalawyeraretravelingacrossthecountrytogether.InthemiddleofKansas,theircarbreaksdown,sotheypushittothenearestfarmtofixit,butitgetsdarkbythen.Theyaskthefarmeriftheycanspendthenight,andhesays,Yup.Wegotsusaguestbedthatwillholdtwoofyer,butoneofyuallgonnahavetosleepinthebarn.ThetravelersagreetothisandtheHindivolunteerstosleepinthebarn.ThelawyerandtheMuslimgouptotheguestroomandstarttogetreadyforbed,butfiveminuteslater,theyhearaknockonthedoor.ItstheHindu,whosays,Guys,Iwaslyingdowntogotosleep,butthenIseethiscownearme,andmyreligionwontallowmetosleepunderthesameroofasacow.TheMuslimunderstands,sohevolunteers,butfiveminuteslater,whentheHindiandlawyeraregettingreadyforbed,theresanotherknockonthedoor.ItstheMuslim,andhesays,Hey,Imtrulysorry,butIwasgoingtosleepwhenthispigstartedoinkingnearme,andmyreligionwontletmesleepnearapig.Thelawyerfinallyagreestosleepinthebarn,althoughalittlereluctantly.Fiveminuteslater,theresanotherknockonthedoor.Itsthecowandpig.", AbusloadofLawyersistravelingdownadesertedroad.Suddenlyitswervesintoafieldandhitsatree,andcatchesfire.Theownerofthefield,afarmer,runup,surveysthescene,andburiesallthelawyers.Aweeklater,twopolicemenaretravelingdownthatsameroadandnoticethewreckage.Theyrunuptothehouseandaskwhathappened."Abusloadoflawyerscrashedintothetreeandthebuscaughtfire"repliedthefarmer."Butwhathappenedtoallthelawyers?!"askedthepoliceman."Iburiedthem,"Thefarmersaid."Theywerealldead?"criedtheofficer."Someofthemsaidtheyweren\t,"repliedthefarmer,"butyouknowthatlawyersareverygoodatlying.", AlawyerpassesawayandbeingtheworstinhisdefensetohisclientsendsupatSatan\sdoor,uponhisarrivalhewasgreetedbySatanhimself,lookingatSatanheasks,"whyamIhere?"Satanreplies,"doyourememberallthepeopleyoumisrepresentedandstilltooktheirmoney",thoughquitestunnedthelawyeranswers"well,yesokso",wellSatanadds"don\tworryitwillbefunhere.""Andhowso,"thelawyerasks.Satanreplies"youlooklikeamanwholikestohavefun,right?""Yes"heanswers."wellwehavedailyscheduledeventsMondaythroughFriday.Mondayseveryonegetstoeatallkindsoffoodandyoulikethat?""Yes"heanswers."Tuesdayseveryonedrinkswhatevertheylikenolimit,"thelawyerlooksamazed,andcannotbelieveheisinhell.SoSatanadds"doyoulikewomen?"Theattorneysays"whyhellyes.""WellthenyourgoingtoloveWednesdays"headds,"seenotsobadsofar.WellnowforThursdayweofferarepeatofanyofthepreviousdaysactivitiesandyougettochoosewhichdaytorepeat,""WOW,"exclaimedtheshockedattorney,finallySatanasksnowforFridays,"ohbytheway,youwouldn\thappenbegaywouldyou?"Thestunnedattorneysaid"No!"Satansays"ohtoobadyourgoingtohateFridays.", Adrunkstandsupinabarandshouts,"AllLawyersarescumbags".Anotherdrunkstandsupandyells,"Hey,Iresentthatremark".Thefirstdrunkyells."Whyareyoualawyer"."No",saidtheseconddrunk,"I\mascumbag"., Awomanandherlittlegirlwerevisitingthegraveofthelittlegirl\sgrandmother.Ontheirwaythroughthecemeterybacktothecar,thelittlegirlasked,"Mommy,dotheyeverburytwopeopleinthesamegrave?""Ofcoursenot,dear."repliedthemother,"Whywouldyouthinkthat?""Thetombstonebacktheresaid\Hereliesalawyerandanhonestman.\", "Agroupofterroristshijackedaplanefulloflawyers.Theycalleddowntogroundcontrolwiththeirlistofdemandsandaddedthatiftheirdemandswerentmet,theywouldreleaseonelawyereveryhour."