JuanValdeznameshisdonkeyafteryou.Youskiuphill.Yougetaspeedingticketevenwhenyou\reparked.Youhaveabumperstickerthatsays:"Coffeedrinkersaregoodinthesack."Youanswerthedoorbeforepeopleknock.Youjustcompletedanothersweaterandyoudon\tknowhowtoknit.Yougrindyourcoffeebeansinyourmouth.Youhavetowatchvideosinfast-forward.Youcantakeapictureofyourselffromtenfeetawaywithoutusingthetimer.Youlickyourcoffeepotclean.Youspendeveryvacationvisiting"MaxwellHouse."You\retheemployeeofthemonthatthelocalcoffeehouseandyoudon\tevenworkthere.Thenurseneedsascientificcalculatortotakeyourpulse.Thenurseneedsascientificcalculatortotakeyourpulse.YourT-shirtsays,"Decaffeinatedcoffeeisthedevil\scoffee."You\resojitterythatpeopleuseyourhandstoblendtheirmargaritas.Youcantypesixtywordsperminutewithyourfeet.Youcanjump-startyourcarwithoutcables.Cocaineisadowner.Allyourkidsarenamed"Joe."Youronlysourceofnutritioncomesfrom"Sweet&Low."YougotoAAmeetingsjustforthefreecoffee.Youwalktwentymilesonyourtreadmillbeforeyourealizeit\snotpluggedin.You\vebuiltaminiaturecityoutoflittleplasticstirrers.Whenyoufindapenny,yousay,"Findapenny,pickitup.Sixty-threemore,I\llhaveacup."TheTaster\sChoicecouplewantstoadoptyou.Starbucksownsthemortgageonyourhouse.